All the things... GONE!

That's right baby, a list of all of my missing stuff, that I KNOW YOU: [HID, LOST, GAVE AWAY, THROUGH OUT, TOSSED, BURNED, RECYCLED, COMPOSTED].

Okay, this really is no joke. This is just the stuff I could remember off the top of my head. Just so you know, the following is a typical exchange that GF and I have once or 2x a week.

"Honey, have you seen my 1/2" torque wrench?"
"What kind of tortoise?"
"No baby, it is a type of ratchet, not a turtle."
"No."
"No, you don't believe me that it is not a turtle, or that you have not moved it?"
"Honey, if you had a turtle, I would not hide it on you, you know how much I love turtles! They embody all that is good and wonderful. They symoblize earth, patience, and wisdom. OH HONEY, CAN WE GET A PET TURTLE... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."

I bought a leaf blower, used it a couple times and lent it to GF (Prior to her moving in), and I have never seen the blower tube since. That should have been enough of a warning to me.

The latest is the vacum tubes... know where to be found.

Car parts... lots of them!!!!!

Any one or more of my tools that Jen thinks she may be able to bury in the garden.

Books... she will stuff em in a box, and then hide the box. Then, when I ask her where they are, she points to a box, and says "Behind that box baby... I put your books in the box behind that one and put them away for you". Now, the box she pointed at is in a closet, under 4 other boxes. All of the boxes on top and in front are filled with her things. Anything that got boxed up of mine is invariable in the back, and on the bottom.

Anything that I leave out in a public area. I'm convinced that she just tosses 1/2 the stuff into the trash to get it out of the house. She really has no idea of how much some of this stuff costs.

My silverware. Gone! She took all of my silverware and removed it! I have no idea where it is. She replaced it with a matching set. The upside of this, is that GF likes the new stuff so much, that when she washes it, she actually gets it clean. Everything else that she washes, I typically have to re-wash. Now, if she told me in the beginning that she would actually do a proper job of washing the silverware if we got new stuff, I would have just said okay.

GF likes to rearange my tools. Sometimes she boxes them up, and brings them "Some Place Special" aka her garden.

My pencils and pens... if she finds one that she likes, somehow I never see it again.

One small note: I did blame GF for losing my mini sledge, which I did misplace, and it took me 4+ months to find, and I did acuse GF of. So, for the mini, I do appologize. But, she did "MISPLACE" my standard sledge for about a month. Everything else, I know is her fault!

The Home conquerer

I drove my 65 karmann-ghia to work on Thursday… it was beautiful warm sunny day, and a perfect day to be out with the top down. Everything was going along just perfect, until I took a sharp right turn, and the drivers side door just swung right open. Luckily for me, I actually install seat belts in the car, and was actually wearing it! I finished the drive to work holding the door closed, and then drove back home at 10:30 in the evening, holding the door closed again. Oh yeah, the passenger head light was out as well, but I managed to get home safely, and not get pulled over by the cops.

So, on Saturday morning, I started working on the car. First thing I needed to do was to find my extra striker plate. Now finding spare parts, that I have laying around is typically pretty easy, as I keep it all bunched up in a couple of places. That was until my GF moved in, and conquered most of the house, and all of my stuff that is not been explicitly verboten… and I mean specifically!

So, now you’re thinking “I bet the dumb-fuck couldn’t find the striker plate”. And, you are right! But, it was not that I could not find the striker plate, it was that I looked for 2 hours before I gave up looking for the striker plate! Well, I didn’t want the day to be a completely lost to car care, so I decided to change the transmission oil. Now this is an easy one… I got the 17 mill hex wrench off of a snap-on truck that I saw in a jeep dealership. I happened to have the transmission oil in the garage, and I know that I have tons of extra fuel and break lines laying around (You need to attach a tube of some sort to the end of the transmission oil canister to get the oil into the transmission). Hummmmm… where are my extra hoses??? DAMN IT JEN!!!! Another ½ hour lost to looking for my stuff that she has hidden away. And, yes, you are right again; I did not find the damn hoses anywhere! I finally found a small piece of hose that was lying around; which I managed with.

Now, even though I managed to get the tranny fluid changed, I needed to head out and do something to get over my aggravation of not having been able to find my stuff! So, I figured that I would head out to do some kayaking. I had not eaten yet, so I decided to grab a power bar on my way out the door. Hey, what the eff happened to my eff’n power bars? I had two stashes of power bars, and they are both GONE! Jen, at the moment, is up at the community garden, having their community garden cleaning day. Jen is in charged of providing refreshments for the day for all the soil fluffing bunch, and I’m thinking that she decided to keep their energy up with my damn power bars! But, just in case, I search the kitchen… 3 TIMES! Ok, maybe I’m a little thick headed, but all I want is an eff’n power bar! No dice… GONE! I even checked the freezer… I shit you not!

Just then, Jen comes bopping in and asks me “How’s your day going?” Well, sure enough, I started to indicate my dissatisfaction in the politest, most considerate way possible. Finally, I get to the part about the power bars. Jen walks over to a ceramic jar, that latches closed, and opens it up… Yes, she hid my eff’n power bars in a child proof eff’n cookie jar! How the eff am I supposed to know that they are in there… what, do I have super-man vision???? I was so angry, I think I actually lisped the whole sentence!

So, today I had to order a new striker plate, $99.00 bucks, and I won’t get it till the end of the week. I still have not found my car parts, and Jen insists that she did not touch them. (Jen lies!) I have been torturing the damn dog for the past 2 days, just to make myself feel better! Somehow, the dog seems to like it.