All the things... GONE!
That's right baby, a list of all of my missing stuff, that I KNOW YOU: [HID, LOST, GAVE AWAY, THROUGH OUT, TOSSED, BURNED, RECYCLED, COMPOSTED].
Okay, this really is no joke. This is just the stuff I could remember off the top of my head. Just so you know, the following is a typical exchange that GF and I have once or 2x a week.
"Honey, have you seen my 1/2" torque wrench?"
"What kind of tortoise?"
"No baby, it is a type of ratchet, not a turtle."
"No."
"No, you don't believe me that it is not a turtle, or that you have not moved it?"
"Honey, if you had a turtle, I would not hide it on you, you know how much I love turtles! They embody all that is good and wonderful. They symoblize earth, patience, and wisdom. OH HONEY, CAN WE GET A PET TURTLE... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."
I bought a leaf blower, used it a couple times and lent it to GF (Prior to her moving in), and I have never seen the blower tube since. That should have been enough of a warning to me.
The latest is the vacum tubes... know where to be found.
Car parts... lots of them!!!!!
Any one or more of my tools that Jen thinks she may be able to bury in the garden.
Books... she will stuff em in a box, and then hide the box. Then, when I ask her where they are, she points to a box, and says "Behind that box baby... I put your books in the box behind that one and put them away for you". Now, the box she pointed at is in a closet, under 4 other boxes. All of the boxes on top and in front are filled with her things. Anything that got boxed up of mine is invariable in the back, and on the bottom.
Anything that I leave out in a public area. I'm convinced that she just tosses 1/2 the stuff into the trash to get it out of the house. She really has no idea of how much some of this stuff costs.
My silverware. Gone! She took all of my silverware and removed it! I have no idea where it is. She replaced it with a matching set. The upside of this, is that GF likes the new stuff so much, that when she washes it, she actually gets it clean. Everything else that she washes, I typically have to re-wash. Now, if she told me in the beginning that she would actually do a proper job of washing the silverware if we got new stuff, I would have just said okay.
GF likes to rearange my tools. Sometimes she boxes them up, and brings them "Some Place Special" aka her garden.
My pencils and pens... if she finds one that she likes, somehow I never see it again.
One small note: I did blame GF for losing my mini sledge, which I did misplace, and it took me 4+ months to find, and I did acuse GF of. So, for the mini, I do appologize. But, she did "MISPLACE" my standard sledge for about a month. Everything else, I know is her fault!
Okay, this really is no joke. This is just the stuff I could remember off the top of my head. Just so you know, the following is a typical exchange that GF and I have once or 2x a week.
"Honey, have you seen my 1/2" torque wrench?"
"What kind of tortoise?"
"No baby, it is a type of ratchet, not a turtle."
"No."
"No, you don't believe me that it is not a turtle, or that you have not moved it?"
"Honey, if you had a turtle, I would not hide it on you, you know how much I love turtles! They embody all that is good and wonderful. They symoblize earth, patience, and wisdom. OH HONEY, CAN WE GET A PET TURTLE... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."
I bought a leaf blower, used it a couple times and lent it to GF (Prior to her moving in), and I have never seen the blower tube since. That should have been enough of a warning to me.
The latest is the vacum tubes... know where to be found.
Car parts... lots of them!!!!!
Any one or more of my tools that Jen thinks she may be able to bury in the garden.
Books... she will stuff em in a box, and then hide the box. Then, when I ask her where they are, she points to a box, and says "Behind that box baby... I put your books in the box behind that one and put them away for you". Now, the box she pointed at is in a closet, under 4 other boxes. All of the boxes on top and in front are filled with her things. Anything that got boxed up of mine is invariable in the back, and on the bottom.
Anything that I leave out in a public area. I'm convinced that she just tosses 1/2 the stuff into the trash to get it out of the house. She really has no idea of how much some of this stuff costs.
My silverware. Gone! She took all of my silverware and removed it! I have no idea where it is. She replaced it with a matching set. The upside of this, is that GF likes the new stuff so much, that when she washes it, she actually gets it clean. Everything else that she washes, I typically have to re-wash. Now, if she told me in the beginning that she would actually do a proper job of washing the silverware if we got new stuff, I would have just said okay.
GF likes to rearange my tools. Sometimes she boxes them up, and brings them "Some Place Special" aka her garden.
My pencils and pens... if she finds one that she likes, somehow I never see it again.
One small note: I did blame GF for losing my mini sledge, which I did misplace, and it took me 4+ months to find, and I did acuse GF of. So, for the mini, I do appologize. But, she did "MISPLACE" my standard sledge for about a month. Everything else, I know is her fault!
posted by Bitter Old Man at 9:41 AM
3 Comments:
The only factual bit in this whole diatribe is that it is true I don't know what a torque wrench is; however, I don't want a tortise. I WANT A PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!
A list of the acceptable puppies:
Swiss Mountain Dog
Bernese Mountain Dog
German Shepherd
Bull Mastiff
Tibetan Mastiff
Newfoundland
Saint Bernard
Bill quit being so hard on your girlfriend. Time to make up with a puppy and we want to see more photos !!!!!
It's too hot in DC for St. Bernards.
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