The Home conquerer
I drove my 65 karmann-ghia to work on Thursday… it was beautiful warm sunny day, and a perfect day to be out with the top down. Everything was going along just perfect, until I took a sharp right turn, and the drivers side door just swung right open. Luckily for me, I actually install seat belts in the car, and was actually wearing it! I finished the drive to work holding the door closed, and then drove back home at 10:30 in the evening, holding the door closed again. Oh yeah, the passenger head light was out as well, but I managed to get home safely, and not get pulled over by the cops.
So, on Saturday morning, I started working on the car. First thing I needed to do was to find my extra striker plate. Now finding spare parts, that I have laying around is typically pretty easy, as I keep it all bunched up in a couple of places. That was until my GF moved in, and conquered most of the house, and all of my stuff that is not been explicitly verboten… and I mean specifically!
So, now you’re thinking “I bet the dumb-fuck couldn’t find the striker plate”. And, you are right! But, it was not that I could not find the striker plate, it was that I looked for 2 hours before I gave up looking for the striker plate! Well, I didn’t want the day to be a completely lost to car care, so I decided to change the transmission oil. Now this is an easy one… I got the 17 mill hex wrench off of a snap-on truck that I saw in a jeep dealership. I happened to have the transmission oil in the garage, and I know that I have tons of extra fuel and break lines laying around (You need to attach a tube of some sort to the end of the transmission oil canister to get the oil into the transmission). Hummmmm… where are my extra hoses??? DAMN IT JEN!!!! Another ½ hour lost to looking for my stuff that she has hidden away. And, yes, you are right again; I did not find the damn hoses anywhere! I finally found a small piece of hose that was lying around; which I managed with.
Now, even though I managed to get the tranny fluid changed, I needed to head out and do something to get over my aggravation of not having been able to find my stuff! So, I figured that I would head out to do some kayaking. I had not eaten yet, so I decided to grab a power bar on my way out the door. Hey, what the eff happened to my eff’n power bars? I had two stashes of power bars, and they are both GONE! Jen, at the moment, is up at the community garden, having their community garden cleaning day. Jen is in charged of providing refreshments for the day for all the soil fluffing bunch, and I’m thinking that she decided to keep their energy up with my damn power bars! But, just in case, I search the kitchen… 3 TIMES! Ok, maybe I’m a little thick headed, but all I want is an eff’n power bar! No dice… GONE! I even checked the freezer… I shit you not!
Just then, Jen comes bopping in and asks me “How’s your day going?” Well, sure enough, I started to indicate my dissatisfaction in the politest, most considerate way possible. Finally, I get to the part about the power bars. Jen walks over to a ceramic jar, that latches closed, and opens it up… Yes, she hid my eff’n power bars in a child proof eff’n cookie jar! How the eff am I supposed to know that they are in there… what, do I have super-man vision???? I was so angry, I think I actually lisped the whole sentence!
So, today I had to order a new striker plate, $99.00 bucks, and I won’t get it till the end of the week. I still have not found my car parts, and Jen insists that she did not touch them. (Jen lies!) I have been torturing the damn dog for the past 2 days, just to make myself feel better! Somehow, the dog seems to like it.
So, on Saturday morning, I started working on the car. First thing I needed to do was to find my extra striker plate. Now finding spare parts, that I have laying around is typically pretty easy, as I keep it all bunched up in a couple of places. That was until my GF moved in, and conquered most of the house, and all of my stuff that is not been explicitly verboten… and I mean specifically!
So, now you’re thinking “I bet the dumb-fuck couldn’t find the striker plate”. And, you are right! But, it was not that I could not find the striker plate, it was that I looked for 2 hours before I gave up looking for the striker plate! Well, I didn’t want the day to be a completely lost to car care, so I decided to change the transmission oil. Now this is an easy one… I got the 17 mill hex wrench off of a snap-on truck that I saw in a jeep dealership. I happened to have the transmission oil in the garage, and I know that I have tons of extra fuel and break lines laying around (You need to attach a tube of some sort to the end of the transmission oil canister to get the oil into the transmission). Hummmmm… where are my extra hoses??? DAMN IT JEN!!!! Another ½ hour lost to looking for my stuff that she has hidden away. And, yes, you are right again; I did not find the damn hoses anywhere! I finally found a small piece of hose that was lying around; which I managed with.
Now, even though I managed to get the tranny fluid changed, I needed to head out and do something to get over my aggravation of not having been able to find my stuff! So, I figured that I would head out to do some kayaking. I had not eaten yet, so I decided to grab a power bar on my way out the door. Hey, what the eff happened to my eff’n power bars? I had two stashes of power bars, and they are both GONE! Jen, at the moment, is up at the community garden, having their community garden cleaning day. Jen is in charged of providing refreshments for the day for all the soil fluffing bunch, and I’m thinking that she decided to keep their energy up with my damn power bars! But, just in case, I search the kitchen… 3 TIMES! Ok, maybe I’m a little thick headed, but all I want is an eff’n power bar! No dice… GONE! I even checked the freezer… I shit you not!
Just then, Jen comes bopping in and asks me “How’s your day going?” Well, sure enough, I started to indicate my dissatisfaction in the politest, most considerate way possible. Finally, I get to the part about the power bars. Jen walks over to a ceramic jar, that latches closed, and opens it up… Yes, she hid my eff’n power bars in a child proof eff’n cookie jar! How the eff am I supposed to know that they are in there… what, do I have super-man vision???? I was so angry, I think I actually lisped the whole sentence!
So, today I had to order a new striker plate, $99.00 bucks, and I won’t get it till the end of the week. I still have not found my car parts, and Jen insists that she did not touch them. (Jen lies!) I have been torturing the damn dog for the past 2 days, just to make myself feel better! Somehow, the dog seems to like it.
posted by Bitter Old Man at 6:47 PM
2 Comments:
Oh Geezus, You'd think I go around hiding things. I'm just trying to have some semblance of order in the midst of this kayak shop we call a home. It's not my fault the man can't find his car keys when they're in his left hand! There is one box of parts in the basement and I showed him exactly where I put that box.
The power bars were in Bill's Special Treat Jar, less than 6 inches on the counter from where the bars were before... Read that! Bill's Special Treat Jar, where I make sure he has treats he likes, because I try to take good care of the man, even though he doesn’t appreciate it, and in order to get ANY appreciation I have to go feed the garden people, who send nice emails thanking me rather than creating blogs to complain!
Maybe I should get ginko treats for him, to help improve his memory so he'll remember where he put his sledgehammer - which honey, I'm borrowing tonight to take up to the garden and drive fence posts, and will bring back when I’m done with it.
I never saw the sledge again.
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